Back in February I wrote Style Is Not a Reward for Shrinking. I wasn’t entirely sure about publishing it.
I usually stay in my lane of styling advice, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the way the word flattering had suddenly become so controversial.
For years, flattering had been used as a synonym for looking smaller. No wonder so many women rejected it! But when I work with clients, we still talk about flattering all the time, not as a way to shrink themselves, but as a way to create balance, understand their proportions and wear clothes that reflect how they want to feel.
The response to that article was overwhelming. So many women told me they felt caught in the middle. They didn’t want to dress to look smaller, but they also didn’t want to pretend that proportions and fit didn’t matter either.
Reading all those messages, I knew I wanted to continue the conversation.
I deliberately waited until summer because if there’s one time of year when we become hyper-aware of our bodies, it’s now. Suddenly, getting dressed comes with a lot more questions.
Is this flattering? Should I cover up?Maybe I’ll wait until I’ve lost a few kilos…
So, rather than writing another article with my own thoughts, I invited a group of women whose style and perspective I genuinely admire.
I asked them all the same six questions about flattering, confidence, body image and dressing for their proportions.
What does “flattering” mean to you personally?
Was there a moment when your relationship with style changed?
What makes you feel most confident or aligned in what you wear?
What’s one fashion “rule” you ignore completely?
How has understanding your proportions changed the way you dress?
What advice would you give to women who are struggling to feel good in their bodies right now?
Their answers are all different. And that’s exactly what makes them so reassuring.
Alise - Wears her mood
Alise was one of the first people I thought of for this piece. I originally found her through her Curvy Chic Outfits series on Instagram, and I stayed because of the way she approaches fashion. She genuinely enjoys getting dressed. It's colourful, floaty, fun, and it always feels like she's expressing herself rather than trying to fit into someone else's idea of what she should wear.
On “flattering”
"Understanding what shapes you want to wear is more important than following someone else's idea of what's flattering."
I would say going for clothes that are flattering on your body just simply means understanding what shapes you WANT to wear - emphasis on WANT because we’re really not all the same. Each and every one of us want to enhance or hide different parts of our bodies. Just because I’m hourglass, doesn’t mean I always want to wear a belt to enhance my waist, and I won’t go against my own instincts just because some style guide told me so.
Wearing what you love and enjoy wearing will give you more confidence and anything you wear with true confidence will automatically look more flattering.
Finding her style
"I started getting dressed to celebrate."
A few years ago when I battled with bad mental health and agoraphobia. I couldn’t leave the house, I would have a panic attack even just thinking of getting on the tube. it took me 6 months to start proper exposure therapy.
When I got to the point where I could move around London a bit more freely, I started getting dressed to celebrate - I would treat each outing, even if it was a simple walk, as a form of celebration. I fell in love with fashion, colours, prints all over again and I even had a spring in my step!
That’s was a pivotal moment for me where I was no longer hiding behind dark, baggy clothes but instead embracing more dopamine dressing while still keeping it chic.
Dressing with confidence
"When I get dressed, I think: 'How can I feel my best today?'
And the answer varies each day. If it’s a hot day, I know I’d feel the best wearing breathable materials and show more skin. If it’s a day where I’m overwhelmed and busy, I might just want to go for baggy pants and a simple t-shirt so I don’t get overstimulated. And if I’m in a bad mood, I often choose to wear more colours (especially yellow) because it’s proven to boost my mood!
Getting to this intuitive way of dressing has taken me time and loads of experimentation, that’s why I always encourage people to try new things, even if you think you could never ‘pull it off’. Just try!
I used to hate yellow!
The fashion rule she happily ignores
"I know my body best."
I actually think I ignore all of them. I don’t like other people telling me what to do, I want to figure it out myself because I know my body best.
I don’t think anyone should blindly follow what someone else is telling them to wear, scrap all the ‘DOs and DON’Ts” and instead follow content creators and celebrities who look similar to you, see what they’re wearing, what colours they put together, what accessories they reach for, and try implement some of it in your own wardrobe. Play around, it’s not that serious!
Dressing for her proportions
"Understanding my proportions has changed what I buy, how I style it, and even inspired me to learn to sew."
I’m tall and curvy, I have hourglass figure and quite a long torso. Some might say it’s one of the easiest shapes to dress, and I would agree.
The hardest part is that a maxi dress is never truly maxi, it’s often midi on me. Mini dresses are usually a tunic on me, and sleeve lengths are also often wrong. This has limited what I choose to buy, how I can style certain things, and now I’m actually learning to sew so I can have that cute mini dress without having to wear shorts underneath! I’m excited for this journey!
Her advice to other women
"I'm constantly reminding myself not to compare my journey to those I see online."
First of all, you’re not alone and it’s normal. I am currently going through a bit of a love/hate relationship with my body because I’ve gained some weight and everything just feels so off.
But I’m taking each day as it comes and I constantly remind myself not to compare my journey to what I see online.
What makes me feel better about myself is taking care of my body, mind and soul - try to be active, go for walks, rest when I need, enjoy the sunshine, eat nutritious food and have some fun. It’s advice you’ve heard a 100 times before but it does work.
When it comes to fashion I stick to silhouettes I really enjoy wearing - like dresses and skirts in this hotter weather.
Don’t overcomplicate it!
I love that Alise's answers always came back to how she wanted to feel. Getting dressed isn’t about following rules or looking a certain way, it’s about celebrating herself, trusting her instincts and having fun.
Perhaps that's the whole point. Style isn't about getting it "right"; it's about building a relationship with clothes that feels joyful, intuitive and entirely your own.
Liza Belmonte - Writer. Editor. Outfit Repeater.
Liza has a rare ability to make fashion feel both aspirational and deeply practical. Whether she's talking about proportions, personal style or the latest trend, there's always a layer of thought behind it.
On “flattering”
"I am not going to give you the sanitised answer that flattering is just 'when I feel most myself.' I'll give you the dead honest answer."
Talking about “flattering” is socially loaded. And yet, I think the most myopic takes are the ones that tell women not to care. Because of course most of us do.
There is a dated, internalized-patriarchy layer baked into the idea of dressing for your body type. But dismissing it entirely, and implicitly shaming women for caring, is not much better. The reality of getting dressed for most of us involves frustration, disappointment, and trial and error. How could it not when we are being catered to by an industry that is still, more or less, one-size-fits-all?
Right now, there is a current of creators and publications saying there is no such thing as flattering, just wear whatever you want. The message deserves a lot more nuance. It also does not sit right when so many of the people sharing it are tall and skinny, which is still the body type the industry uses to design clothes and grade sizing. All this does is make women feel even worse when they are having a wobble in front of the mirror because nothing sits right over their chest, their stomach, their hips, their arms, etc. I have a meltdown of this kind at least every other week.
I am not going to give you the sanitized answer that flattering is just “when I feel most myself.” Instead, I’ll give you the dead honest answer: Something is flattering when I feel sexy in it, when I think I look good in the mirror, and when I still think I look good when I see myself photographed in it.
Finding her style
“I still cared about proportions, but I cared less about making every outfit technically correct.”
From 2020 to 2022, I created content about dressing as a woman under 5’4”, understanding proportions, and the small adjustments that can make clothes sit better on your body. The response was incredibly positive because people weren’t using these “rules” to restrict themselves—they were using them as tools.
When something feels off, understanding proportion gives you a language for it. It helps you figure out whether the waist is sitting in the wrong place, whether the shoe feels too heavy, or whether an outfit is cutting you up in a way you don’t like.
Around the same time, my own relationship with getting dressed was changing. I’d gone from corporate life to working from home, by myself, post-COVID. I started to lose the thread a little. Why get dressed properly if no one was going to see me?
Then my life changed again. I ended a decade-long relationship at 35, and suddenly I was getting dressed for a version of my life I hadn’t experienced in a very long time.
Dating was part of that, of course, but it was much bigger than dating. It was about rediscovering who I was outside the person I’d been for the previous ten years.
That’s when I started having fun with clothes again. I still cared about proportions, but I cared less about making every outfit technically correct. I wanted to experiment more. I wanted to wear things because they felt good, or sexy, or interesting.
Dressing with confidence
“What makes me feel most aligned is not dressing like the same person all the time.”
There’s another fashion idea that’s become very popular over the past few years: that the ultimate goal is to narrow down your personal style into one coherent aesthetic.
That feels slightly controversial for me to say because, for a long time, I encouraged that in my own content too. I still think there’s value in understanding what you like, but I no longer think the goal is to arrive at one perfectly curated aesthetic and stay there.
Where I am in my style journey now is that I have a few different personalities.
There’s the everyday version of me, the one that comes through most in my newsletter and on social media. She’s drawn to colour and clothes that work for real life.
Then there’s evening me. During the day, I almost never wear black. In the evening, it’s basically all I want to wear. I love fitted clothes. Something a little early-2000s, a little Tomb Raider-adjacent. It’s completely different to how I want to dress for a Tuesday afternoon therapy appointment or an 8 a.m. matcha run—but in the right context, I feel incredibly confident in it.
So I think what makes me feel most aligned is not dressing like the same person all the time.
Sometimes that means looking polished and intentional. Sometimes it means looking sexy. Sometimes it means being comfortable.
Rule-breaking
“I use styling rules to make the outfit work, not to talk myself out of wearing it in the first place.”
I no longer use fashion rules as the starting point of an outfit. Instead, I use them as a diagnostic tool—a way to fine-tune something once I already know what I want to wear.
Take the idea that short women shouldn’t wear oversized clothes. I’ve probably shared that advice myself in the past: when you’re under 5’4”, too much volume can overwhelm your frame and reduce the sense of vertical elongation.
And yet... I love wearing oversized with oversized.
The difference is that I approach it with a little more intention now. Rather than avoiding oversized silhouettes altogether, I think about proportion. I might use the rule of thirds to create a better visual rhythm, consider where skin is showing, play with contrast, or use a small design detail to add balance.
The rules aren’t there to stop me wearing something I love. They’re there to help me make it work.
Dressing for her proportions
“Understanding my proportions has made me much less emotional about what is not for me.”
I think that’s one of the biggest differences between getting dressed in your twenties and getting dressed as you get older.
At this point, I know there are certain things I’m very unlikely to feel good in. High necklines are difficult for me. Sleeveless tops and dresses rarely work. Most jeans are difficult.
And I no longer experience that as some great sartorial loss. I don’t miss them in the way I might have ten years ago, when I still felt like I should be able to make everything work.
Understanding my proportions has also made shopping much easier because it gives me a filter. I have fewer shopping mishaps, and I’ve become much more specific. I no longer think in broad categories like, “Tank tops don’t suit me” or “Dresses don’t suit me.”
Often, the difference between something feeling wrong and something feeling great is surprisingly small. The depth of a neckline. The width of a strap. A couple of centimetres can change everything.
Her advice to other women
“Be much pickier than you think you’re allowed to be.”
I want to be very practical here.
The first thing I would say is to unfollow anything or anyone that gives you a bad gut feeling. It doesn’t matter whether the trigger is your body, your career, your lifestyle, someone else’s wardrobe, or something you can’t quite articulate. If you consistently come away from someone’s content feeling smaller, more anxious, more behind, or more at war with yourself, unfollow them.
The same applies to clothes.
There are a zillion T-shirts in the world. If the one you just tried on doesn’t make you feel amazing, that doesn’t mean T-shirts aren’t for you. It means that T-shirt isn’t the one.
Trust that there’s another version with a slightly different neckline, sleeve length, fabric weight or cut that will work better. Flore Flore T-shirts are everywhere right now. They look fantastic on lots of people. I’m 4’11” with an F cup. They don’t work for me, and I’m not going to make myself feel rubbish over it.
The best thing you can do for your wardrobe is to set aside an afternoon and actually try things on. Not five minutes before you need to leave the house. Not when you’re already running late. Put on some music, pour yourself a glass of wine if that’s your thing, and experiment.
We used to do this instinctively when we were younger. We tried things on. We played. We planned outfits. Then life gets busy, and getting dressed becomes something we only do under pressure—which is probably the worst possible moment to figure out what makes you feel good.
And if you take one thing away, make it this: take pictures of your outfits. Don’t overthink them in the moment. Take the photo, move on, and look back over the next few weeks. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do for your style. You’ll start noticing patterns. Outfit combinations you hadn’t considered. The pieces you always reach for. And the ones you thought you loved—but never actually wear.
I loved that Liza finished with practical advice. We spend so much time talking about confidence as if it's something we're supposed to magically feel one day, but confidence is often built through small, tangible actions. Curating your feed. Becoming more selective when you shop. Taking time to experiment instead of rushing out the door. None of those things change your body—but they can completely change your relationship with getting dressed.
Naomi Boshari - Essays on the beauty industry, body image, social media culture, and modern love.
I first came across Naomi because of a brilliant piece she wrote about almost going on weight-loss medication. It was the conversation everyone knows is happening, but very few women are actually having it out loud. As soon as I read it, I knew I wanted her perspective on this piece.
On “flattering”
“They’re still flattering in the sense that I feel good and confident in them.”
I really struggle with this question because I find most clothes aren’t very flattering on me. As someone who struggles with body image, I want to feel comfortable in whatever I’m wearing.
There are certain parts of my body I prefer not to highlight, so I tend to gravitate towards a few trusted outfits: looser tops with flutter or angel sleeves, lower necklines that aren’t too revealing, and wide-leg trousers.
They’re still flattering in the sense that I feel good and confident in them.
Finding her style
“Comfort takes precedence for me.”
When I was younger, I thought a good outfit had to be revealing. I remember wearing low-cut tops with push-up bras or tops that showed a bit of my stomach, but I never actually felt comfortable in them.
Over time, I realised that comfort takes precedence for me. I think that shift happened as I got older and stopped dressing for the male gaze. Instead, I started building a wardrobe around pieces that genuinely work for my body and make me feel like myself.
Dressing with confidence
“I want to be able to eat food and not worry about whether my stomach will look bloated.”
Generally, I feel most confident in pieces that are comfortable. I also love adding colour—light blues, yellows—because they instantly lift an outfit.
Most importantly, I want to be able to enjoy my day, eat good food and not spend it worrying about whether my stomach looks bloated.
Dressing for her proportions
“I’ve learned what works for my body rather than trying to make my body work for the clothes.”
I don’t know loads about proportions, but I have learned what works well for my body.
I know looser tops suit me, while drawing attention to my waist creates balance. Wide-leg trousers are another staple, and learning about the rule of thirds has helped me think differently about proportions. I’m still learning, though, and I’d love to understand even more.
Her advice to other women
“Find a few pieces you know you’ll feel good in, and let them be your safety net.”
Find a few go-to pieces that you know you’ll always feel good in, and don’t be afraid to buy similar versions. If I’m having a bad body image day, I know I have clothes I can rely on.
One piece of advice I completely ignore is that you should “dress your age.” Someone once told me I needed to, and honestly, I think that’s nonsense. There isn’t one way to dress at any age. The goal is to find a style that feels authentic to you and reflects your personality.
Naomi’s answers reminded me confidence doesn’t always come from wearing something bold. Sometimes it comes from knowing you have pieces in your wardrobe that let you get on with your day without thinking too much about your body. And that’s just as powerful.
Maureen McLennon Welton - Writer, stylist, podcaster & recovering perfectionist trying to have fun with clothes.
I admire how open Maureen is about her relationship with style. In her newsletter, Intuitive Style, she invites readers into the process rather than pretending to have all the answers, and I think there's something incredibly refreshing about that.
On finding her style
“If I love a fitted T-shirt while everyone else is wearing boxy tees, why force myself to like the boxy tee?”
I spent many years feeling constantly dissatisfied with my wardrobe, despite owning good pieces that fit well. I was so trapped in the comparison game that nothing I wore ever felt good enough.
One of my biggest challenges has been validating my own preferences. I know what I like, yet I often struggle to accept that what I like is enough. When I decided I was ready for a new mindset, I started my own newsletter to give myself the space and time to lean into my own preferences, hoping that if I could learn this practice, other women would see it’s possible for them too, even if it doesn’t come naturally.
If I love a fitted T-shirt while everyone else is wearing boxy tees, why force myself to like the boxy tee? Why not style the tee I already love in lots of different ways, unapologetically?
Instead of rejecting our impulses, we have an opportunity to acknowledge our preferences and make them the best version possible.
Ignoring fashion ‘must-haves’
“I don’t own many of the fashion must-haves”
I like a clean, strong vertical line. I’m most comfortable in full-length A-line jeans, boxy jackets and pointed-toe flats. I also gravitate towards serene colours, mostly cool-toned neutrals like dark denim, grey-blue and cream.
I don’t own many of the fashion “must-haves,” like a blazer, a leather jacket, tailored trousers or even a white button-down. I may add these pieces over time, but I haven’t rushed into buying them because I’ve found other things that work just as well for me. A basic for someone else may be completely irrelevant to us.
On body image
“Thoughts and feelings are transient.”
Over time, my critical eye has softened. I look back at pictures from times when I felt terrible about my body and feel utterly confused. The woman in those photos was beautiful, and the “flaws” I saw were so exaggerated in my own mind.
When I have difficult body-image days now, I remind myself they’re not permanent. Thoughts and feelings are transient. Seeing them that way helps stop me from holding onto them, and instead lets them flow over me like a lazy river.
I loved how often Maureen came back to trusting herself. In a world full of advice and opinions, learning to listen to your own instincts might be one of the most valuable styling skills of all.
Natalia Herrera - A world traveler that loves fashion, beauty, and learning how to feel confident as a petite Latina in a tall-girl world.
Our petite Colombiana, who champions artisan designers and culture in such a thoughtful way. Whether she's writing about millennial nostalgia or introducing us to an incredible jewellery designer, her perspective is always a joy to read.
On “flattering”
“I think I’ve grown to a point in my life where it doesn’t matter if I don’t get complimented.”
Everyone enjoys a bit of flattery, but for me that idea has changed quite a bit over the years.
When I was younger, I think I needed it more. It felt like a form of external validation, perhaps linked to seeking approval from men, family members or friends.
As I’ve grown older, the opposite has happened. I find much more joy in giving genuine compliments than receiving them. Of course I still appreciate being complimented, but I’ve reached a point where it no longer defines how I feel about myself.
I think that’s come from personal growth, learning to love myself, and knowing my own worth.
Finding her style
“It didn’t stop me from loving fashion; it forced me to be more intentional.”
I think my relationship with style changed when I realised my height was getting in the way of getting dressed.
Certain silhouettes and pieces I loved simply didn’t work on me the way they did on taller women, and that frustrated me. I often felt unseen by the fashion industry.
But it didn’t stop me from loving fashion—it simply forced me to be more intentional.
I started paying attention to my proportions and where things hit on my body. I made peace with it… well, most of the time! But now I know what works for me, and that’s a real blessing.
I don’t chase trends anymore because I know what works—and what doesn’t—for my petite frame.
The fashion rule she happily ignores
“I don’t need extra inches to prove anything anymore.”
One fashion rule I’ve completely let go of is that petite women shouldn’t wear flats because they make us look even shorter.
I believed that for years. I was almost always in heels—or at least wearing something with a bit of height.
Then life changed. I started living in big cities where walking everywhere made heels completely impractical, so I slowly stopped wearing them.
Somewhere along the way, I also made peace with my height.
Now, flats are the shoes I reach for most. I feel great in them, and I no longer feel like I need a few extra inches to prove anything.
Dressing for her proportions
“Understanding my proportions freed me from trends.”
It changed everything, honestly.
For a long time, I bought things because they looked great on a model or on someone else, without ever asking whether they would actually work on my body.
Understanding my proportions forced me to start asking that question.
I’m much more intentional about how I shop now. I don’t impulse-buy something just because I love it or because I see everyone wearing it.
In a way, it’s also freed me from trends. I know my proportions well enough to understand what works for me and what doesn’t. I can admire a trend from afar, appreciate it on someone else, and happily move on.
That’s incredibly liberating.
Her advice to other women
“Be patient with yourself.”
That’s such a complex question because there are always so many layers to it. Our relationship with our bodies is shaped by past experiences, family, culture, and the stories we’ve carried for years. I can only really speak from my own experience.
I’ve always been naturally thin, and that came with its own insecurities. For a long time, I felt like a child compared to my friends whose bodies had developed earlier. Eventually, I learned to accept that this was simply the body I was born with.
Then I had my daughter, and everything changed. My body changed in ways I’d never experienced before. I gained weight, and because I wasn’t used to it, I panicked for a while.
Then I reminded myself that I’d just grown a human being. Of course my body needed time. I focused on eating well, exercising in a way that supported my health, and being patient with myself. It took three years for my body to feel like mine again, and even now there are still changes. But I’m okay with them.
So my advice would simply be this: be patient with yourself. Look after your health, find solutions that feel sustainable, and try not to be so hard on yourself.
If there’s one thing these conversations reminded me, it’s that confidence doesn’t come from having the “right” body.
It comes from understanding yourself.
Knowing what you enjoy wearing. Learning what feels balanced to you. Letting your wardrobe evolve as your life evolves.
Every woman featured here has walked a different path, but they all arrived at the same place: fashion stopped being about fixing themselves and became a way of expressing who they already are.
And perhaps that’s the most flattering thing of all.
I’d love to know where you are on that journey. Leave a comment below and let’s keep the conversation going.
Love,
Noelia x
A goldmine of excellent wisdom. Comparison is truly the thief of joy!
Thank you for including me alongside such wonderful guests. I enjoyed reflecting on my own answers and experiencing theirs today! xx