THANK YOU! I FINALLY feel like someone has articulated how I feel about dressing myself in the current social climate. As a petite size 20, I feel a constant clash between two cultures- the ‘real fashion’ world that excludes me and the defiant modern aesthetic that derides a waistline and made ‘flattering’ the new F-word. I’m happy with who I am and I gave up trying to lose weight years ago. But I love looks that make me appear taller, not because I’m trying to look like a model but because I love streamlined minimalism. I love a defined waist, not because it makes me look skinnier, but because it creates a solid anchor to visually hold the volume and proportions I find appealing and interesting. Whyyy do we cling to judging others in response to perceived judgement, instead of just happily dressing for what we like & how we feel good?!? I love your take on it. This is such an empowering and thoughtful post.
This makes me so happy to read Brianna, thank you for sharing this so openly. What you described is exactly the tension so many women feel: being excluded by “real fashion” on one side, and then being told that wanting structure or definition is somehow wrong on the other.
Loving a streamlined silhouette or a defined waist doesn’t mean you’re trying to be smaller. It means you understand what feels balanced and visually satisfying to you. That’s not internalised judgement — that’s personal taste and proportion.
I’m really looking forward to diving into this more with you later today.
This is great. I commented on another article recently about finding a certain style of pants as someone with curves, and the author replied with tips for “mid size/plus size” people. The fact that sample size is the default and the “othering” of those not a size 4 is truly problematic. We’re all just trying to look cute, you know?
It’s honestly confusing. Anything above a very small size is still so underrepresented in fashion, but at the same time, wanting to wear something flattering can make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
So we’re all just there, tucking things in, trying to make outfits work, while also questioning whether we even should.
Thank you so much for saying this out loud (even though it pretty much made me cry). At 152cm tall, with a menopausal apple shape that's not out of "normal" size range, the frustration of being told and usually feeling that I have let myself go and should try harder is overwhelming sometimes. Mainstream style and fashion suggestions all seem to be for "edgy" sacks with miniscule details (ie would only be noticed from 30cm away) but which comprehensively drown me - I don't want to look like I'm wearing a tent, so please please do a follow up with more rule breaking.
Hey Rachel! Thank you for sharing this so openly. So many women go through these changes quietly, and that silence can make it feel incredibly isolating.
And you’re absolutely right,not everyone wants to feel swallowed by oversized trends. Wanting shape and balance is completely valid. It’s not about “trying harder,” it’s about feeling comfortable and confident in your own proportions.
I’ll definitely share a follow-up with more ideas! And truly, I’m here for anything you might need xx
Reclaiming “flattering” as alignment instead of shrinking.... ALL THE YES! Such a beautiful piece, Noelia -- and VERY important. I absolutely love all three of those "rule breaking" outfits you are wearing! You're a gem - never change, my friend! xx
Thank you my gorgeous. ALL the yes right back at you. Reclaiming “flattering” feels long overdue, and I’ll happily keep breaking those rules. Fashion is far too fun (and far too personal) to be limited by outdated ones. xx
I really needed this reminder—so thank you! I fully agree. What I find frustrating is how limiting fashion is in bigger the sizes. It takes more effort to source pieces, thrifting and pre-loved is more difficult. Some brands don’t carry my size at all, and I’m an EU 46 on the bottom and 42/44 on top. Not even “plus size”. It’s hard not to feel less-than when brands don’t include larger bodies in their lineup.
Thank you so much, Melissa. I really appreciate that. I think it’s something we all need reminding of, especially when so much of social media and fashion still centres smaller sizes and very straight silhouettes, which aren’t representative of most women.
I notice this a lot when shopping for clients in similar size ranges. Some brands are improving, but others still have a long way to go. Where do you usually shop? I’m happy to suggest a few options! xx
I’m surrounded my fast-fashion Spanish brands here in Malaga. I have to reach a bit further for indy or slow fashion brands (mostly online) or just higher quality (for example COS vs H&M or Massimo Dutti vs Zara) but unfortunately those brands tend to be less inclusive. I’d love some suggestions. Lately I’ve been resisting shopping for the sake of it, and focusing on Vinted/Vestiaire where it’s easier to filter by size, find great deals on higher-quality or just support a circular economy. I’ve given up on thrifting in-person because I find it frustrating to wade through racks of stuff in the wrong size. I would love it if thrift shops organized by size rather than style or colour. Not sure why they don’t?!? Maybe you can do an article about recommendations for size inclusive brands you recommend. That would be my new bible!
THANK YOU! I FINALLY feel like someone has articulated how I feel about dressing myself in the current social climate. As a petite size 20, I feel a constant clash between two cultures- the ‘real fashion’ world that excludes me and the defiant modern aesthetic that derides a waistline and made ‘flattering’ the new F-word. I’m happy with who I am and I gave up trying to lose weight years ago. But I love looks that make me appear taller, not because I’m trying to look like a model but because I love streamlined minimalism. I love a defined waist, not because it makes me look skinnier, but because it creates a solid anchor to visually hold the volume and proportions I find appealing and interesting. Whyyy do we cling to judging others in response to perceived judgement, instead of just happily dressing for what we like & how we feel good?!? I love your take on it. This is such an empowering and thoughtful post.
This makes me so happy to read Brianna, thank you for sharing this so openly. What you described is exactly the tension so many women feel: being excluded by “real fashion” on one side, and then being told that wanting structure or definition is somehow wrong on the other.
Loving a streamlined silhouette or a defined waist doesn’t mean you’re trying to be smaller. It means you understand what feels balanced and visually satisfying to you. That’s not internalised judgement — that’s personal taste and proportion.
I’m really looking forward to diving into this more with you later today.
Great article
Thank you! 🤩
This is great. I commented on another article recently about finding a certain style of pants as someone with curves, and the author replied with tips for “mid size/plus size” people. The fact that sample size is the default and the “othering” of those not a size 4 is truly problematic. We’re all just trying to look cute, you know?
It’s honestly confusing. Anything above a very small size is still so underrepresented in fashion, but at the same time, wanting to wear something flattering can make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.
So we’re all just there, tucking things in, trying to make outfits work, while also questioning whether we even should.
Thank you so much for saying this out loud (even though it pretty much made me cry). At 152cm tall, with a menopausal apple shape that's not out of "normal" size range, the frustration of being told and usually feeling that I have let myself go and should try harder is overwhelming sometimes. Mainstream style and fashion suggestions all seem to be for "edgy" sacks with miniscule details (ie would only be noticed from 30cm away) but which comprehensively drown me - I don't want to look like I'm wearing a tent, so please please do a follow up with more rule breaking.
Hey Rachel! Thank you for sharing this so openly. So many women go through these changes quietly, and that silence can make it feel incredibly isolating.
And you’re absolutely right,not everyone wants to feel swallowed by oversized trends. Wanting shape and balance is completely valid. It’s not about “trying harder,” it’s about feeling comfortable and confident in your own proportions.
I’ll definitely share a follow-up with more ideas! And truly, I’m here for anything you might need xx
Reclaiming “flattering” as alignment instead of shrinking.... ALL THE YES! Such a beautiful piece, Noelia -- and VERY important. I absolutely love all three of those "rule breaking" outfits you are wearing! You're a gem - never change, my friend! xx
Thank you my gorgeous. ALL the yes right back at you. Reclaiming “flattering” feels long overdue, and I’ll happily keep breaking those rules. Fashion is far too fun (and far too personal) to be limited by outdated ones. xx
I really needed this reminder—so thank you! I fully agree. What I find frustrating is how limiting fashion is in bigger the sizes. It takes more effort to source pieces, thrifting and pre-loved is more difficult. Some brands don’t carry my size at all, and I’m an EU 46 on the bottom and 42/44 on top. Not even “plus size”. It’s hard not to feel less-than when brands don’t include larger bodies in their lineup.
Thank you so much, Melissa. I really appreciate that. I think it’s something we all need reminding of, especially when so much of social media and fashion still centres smaller sizes and very straight silhouettes, which aren’t representative of most women.
I notice this a lot when shopping for clients in similar size ranges. Some brands are improving, but others still have a long way to go. Where do you usually shop? I’m happy to suggest a few options! xx
I’m surrounded my fast-fashion Spanish brands here in Malaga. I have to reach a bit further for indy or slow fashion brands (mostly online) or just higher quality (for example COS vs H&M or Massimo Dutti vs Zara) but unfortunately those brands tend to be less inclusive. I’d love some suggestions. Lately I’ve been resisting shopping for the sake of it, and focusing on Vinted/Vestiaire where it’s easier to filter by size, find great deals on higher-quality or just support a circular economy. I’ve given up on thrifting in-person because I find it frustrating to wade through racks of stuff in the wrong size. I would love it if thrift shops organized by size rather than style or colour. Not sure why they don’t?!? Maybe you can do an article about recommendations for size inclusive brands you recommend. That would be my new bible!
This is a great idea! I will work on it! 😍